Spongecake N° 1: Build-a-Kait
from scratch.
This letter is the written-word equivalent of a tasty treat you bought on a whim after admiring it lovingly from behind the glass casing at your local coffee shop. You didn’t need it, and it might not be good for you, but it’s fun and delicious and good for your spirit. We could all use some well-intentioned frivolity in our lives every now and then — ‘tis the season, after all.
I imagined this as a series where I ask people I admire what makes them them. What goes into their particular -ness? I started with myself. What makes a Kait? What is Kait-ness? The essence, the idiosyncracies, the unspoken rituals. Maybe someone is 15% spongecake. Maybe another can’t function without a pair of chic house slippers. And yet, that same person also drinks olive juice straight from the jar, hoards Hot Cheetos, or has a bizarre pre-shower routine they swear by. I want the sartorial and the anecdotal, but I also want the sordid details — the weird fixations, the petty grievances, the story about that time they left a party in someone else’s coat. This is a little bit of all that.
I’ve thought a lot about material things in recent months, even if I haven’t been able to buy much at all. This is a good thing, though, and a welcome change since I used to buy clothes all the time when I couldn’t really afford them. As soon as I stopped this habit, I could finally solidify my personal style in a way I had never been able to before. Now I add pieces here and there, usually things I find on Poshmark, Vestiaire Co, or the RealReal. 90% of my closet is pre-loved or vintage, which makes me feel better about my love of the sartorial and my penchant for treating myself to coffee before I head to work.
I like my things to feel lived-in and intentional, which goes for most material things, not just clothes. There is something perverse about being too pristine. I need some modicum of mess — a well-developed patina, unbrushed hair, scratches in the soft metals of my jewelry. An abundance of perfection makes me uneasy. I want to see the human parts that bend, snap, twist, scuff, and wrinkle. The Italians have a word for it: Sprezzatura. A je ne sais quoi that cannot really be defined and must always be effortless. Sprezzatura wasn’t achievable for me until I gave up, stopped performing femininity, and began wearing what I gravitated to, which is primarily loose and boxy menswear silhouettes juxtaposed with a hint of femininity: trousers and ballet flats, a ruffled blouse with oversized jeans and penny loafers. I live for a glimpse of poppy red, lavender, or emerald green amidst a sea of creams, browns, and blacks. I choose natural fibers whenever possible. I prioritize comfort above all else.
The list below is a condensed version of Kait, complete with all my favorite things: the clothes I reach for every morning, the fragrance I spray on my neck and wrists before I leave the house, the facial oil I reverently anoint myself with day and night, and the pocket notebook I keep with me everywhere. This is not a gift guide, per se, but it is also not not a gift guide. Do with this what you will.
Madewell Harlow Pants. I have three pairs: faded black, raisin brown, and olive green. I often trawl Poshmark and Depop and find them in my size for a very good deal, typically anywhere from $40-60 compared to their $118 retail price. They are fantastic. Massively oversized and flowy without feeling like you’re drowning in them. I wear a size 0 regular, which could easily fit a size 2 or even a 4, but I like them with a bit of room around the waist. I don’t ever want to feel too constricted. I reach for these trousers almost daily, and I recommend them so much that my husband tried mine on and now wants a pair for himself. Good clothes are good clothes, and gender is a construct.
Pai Rosehip Bioregenerate Universal Face Oil. This is the most decadent and lovely face oil I’ve ever used, and it’s a beautiful orange color that makes you look jaundiced for a second before it soaks in. But don’t worry, it’s all part of the fun. This oil makes me feel like a true lady for reasons I can’t quite explain. Something about it feels luxe yet commonplace. It doesn’t need a steep price tag or flashy packaging — it just does its thing in quiet confidence. I admire that.
Kaweco Classic Sport Fountain Pen. A recent purchase, the perks (and perils, if considering my bank account) of temporarily working at a stationary store. This fountain pen is so smooth and elegant. No pressure necessary — just frictionless, effortless writing. Divine. I think it’s actually improved my handwriting and significantly decreased my writing-induced wrist pain.
A sharp blazer. Preferably one with shoulder pads. I have about ten vintage blazers I rotate between because I love them so much. My favorite is a dark green blazer I found at Goodwill almost ten years ago. I left it at the West Hollywood Tartine a few months back and thought it was gone forever, but my best friend Jessica returned and got it for me — a true friend. My second favorite is a black wool Ann Klein blazer I found recently. When I pair it with black pants, it looks like I’m wearing a suit, which I love. It has sharp shoulders and instantly makes everything look more pulled together. This Tencel blazer from Almina Concept seems lovely and is a shape similar to mine. Someday, I’d love to upgrade to something like this Ann Demeulemeester blazer and wear it for the rest of my life.
Paper Republic Grand Voyageur Pocket. This is another purchase from my seasonal gig. I didn’t know of Paper Republic before working there, but I knew I needed one of these from day one. The customizability is what drew me in. I love that you can add a little magnetic loop for your pens and more elastics for your passport. It’s a sweet little setup and makes the perfect gift. These sell like hotcakes and are nearly sold out on the Paper Republic website, so if you are considering one, make haste.
Voltaire’s Book of Fate Notebook. This notebook is special to me because of its unique shape. Instead of the traditional proportions, it is long and skinny. I love it, and I get compliments on it all the time. It is equal parts ornate and chic. It is not customizable like the Paper Republic notebook, but it is just as lovely. I like having options.
OPI Nail Lacquer in Dutch Tulips. My favorite shade of pinkish-red. I don’t really get manicures or wear any polish anymore, usually opting to keep my nails short and bare. But every time I get a pedicure (which isn’t that often, only now and then as an extravagance), I choose this polish. I can’t get enough of poppy red.
My Seiko Watch. My mother got this for me for my birthday a few years ago. I used to wear this one obsessively (purchased back in 2012 at American Apparel) but it died and I haven’t figured out how to replace the battery. Seiko is a slight upgrade from my usual Casio or Timex. It isn’t a Cartier Tank, but it does the job without calling too much attention to itself. It is unpretentious, utilitarian, and chic. I like that it also shows the day of the week, and it’s mechanical, so there's no fussing with batteries.
Byredo Bibliothéque is the best scent, my favorite ever. I fell in love with it two years ago after visiting the Byredo store in London and will most likely wear it forever. It perfectly balances everything I love in a fragrance, and the introduction of leather, birch wood, and patchouli beautifully blunts the sugary top notes of plum, violet, and vanilla.
Bass Weejuns. These are such a versatile shoe. Bonus points if you put pennies in them, which I still have yet to do. I like to wear them with bright socks from Le Bon Shoppe. I bought my pair ages ago, brand new, from the Bass website when they were still under $100. Now they are a whopping $180, which annoys me. I really want a pair of the Esther Kiltie Loafers in Wine, so I’ve been scouring resale sites for the perfect pair. I refuse to pay $180 for them, not when I know they were nearly half the price just a few years ago.
I treated myself to a vintage Coach Willis bag a few months ago, which quickly became my favorite bag. It has a top handle and a removable strap — as I said before, I like having options. I wanted it in Mahogany, a beautiful, rich chocolate brown, and I spent a fair amount of time searching for it. After a week of searching on Poshmark, I found one in near-perfect condition for $180. I feel justified in my vintage Coach obsession after reading Ali LaBelle’s interview with Jamie Haller, where Jamie mentions she also loves vintage Coach bags. My best friend and I call it my budget Birkin, and honestly, I think this bag is 1000x more chic than a Birkin. Perhaps I’ll be vilified for this, but I think Birkins are pretty hideous unless you’ve inherited it and/or worn yours in Mary Kate Olsen style. I personally only want a Birkin if it looks like it’s been run over by a car.
My Husband’s Our Legacy Shirt. I wear my husband’s clothes a lot. Sometimes, men’s clothes are much more flattering than women’s because they don’t try to be flattering. I’m unsure if what I linked is the exact style, but ours is a textured white version. He wore it at our wedding. I can’t wear my wedding dress again, so I’m wearing his shirt. It looks great on me. I love Our Legacy.
A.P.C. x Porselli Ballet Flats. I have these in bright green and burgundy. The bright green pair are thoroughly trashed and must be repaired, and I wear them anyway. These are another eBay / Poshmark / Depop / TRR saved search and I never buy these at full price. I wear them constantly. I was a devout Repetto girl for years before this, but I have successfully converted after wearing Porsellis for the last two years. The toe box is longer and more almond-shaped than Repetto’s rounded and short toe box, and they are also more true to size. It all depends on your preference, but I find Porselli’s shape slightly more elegant. I would die for this red suede pair, but I refuse to pay more than $150. All ballet flats need to be re-soled after a few months of wear, so that’s something to take into price consideration, which is why I try not to buy them at full price. They’re an Italian brand, so Vestiaire Co. usually has the best assortment.
All Fours by Miranda July was the most recent book I read and one of my favorites from this year. It made me feel crazy and somehow also seen. I love July’s ability to write things we’ve all thought about but are usually too afraid to say out loud. I remember thinking that when I read The First Bad Man — this is bizarre and erratic, but that makes it good. That’s what makes you want to keep reading. I will speak more about her book later. Between now and the new year, I hope to make a definitive list of all the books I read in 2024 and will be sure to name my favorites. It just felt appropriate to include the book I was currently reading, as I typically carry a book with me wherever I go.
Mason Pearson Detangling Comb. There is a part in All Fours where the protagonist looks on as a woman combs her hair and she internally comments that carrying a comb is a good idea. I can’t remember if she explicitly took note to do this or if I filled that in myself, but I imagine she is looking on admirably, thinking she should also carry a comb. My hair falls just an inch or two shy of my waist, partially because I like it that way and partially because I cannot afford a haircut. I have struggled with tangles and matted clumps of hair all my life, so I started carrying a comb with me. I recently upgraded to the charming Mason Pearson comb, which I impulsively purchased at the Larchmont Beauty Center, which also conveniently carries Marvis toothpaste. It elevates this small task and makes me feel like a Victorian lady brushing her hair before bed while sitting at her vanity.
Benetint in Rose. I bought this a few months ago because I will never forget the TikTok of Jena Malone revealing that all they used for makeup on the set of Pride & Prejudice was “sunscreen, eyebrow makeup, lash curlers, and beetroot.” Benetint is basically a better-smelling, more efficient beetroot. It has become a staple in my makeup routine, which I’m not sure you can even call a “routine” since it’s been reduced to SPF, Benetint, and combing my eyebrows. Sometimes I don’t even comb my eyebrows. Sprezzatura! I also recently learned that layering is the key to makeup longevity, so I also put a little Noto Multi-Bene Lip + Cheek Tint over it, creating a lovely natural flush that lasts all day. I think it makes me look less tired.
Small Bubble Hoops from AGMES. I used to work for AGMES, where I designed their emails and managed their social media. They are a fantastic company with a wonderful mission, and I still stand by their jewelry. I even wore their Long Kait earrings at my wedding. The Small Bubble Hoops have become my everyday earring. They’re just the right size, perfect for catching the light when you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear or wear your hair in a ponytail or plait. They are understated yet striking and add a bit of polish to every look.
My forever sunglasses brand, CHIMI. I own two pairs: the 05 in Tortoise (a classic wayfarer) and the 06 in Black (a sleek, 90s-inspired cat-eye). I’ve found I need little else. Elizabeth Debicki wears them in The Crown and looks stunning, but they're flawless even without the royal treatment. I bought my first pair 4-5 years ago and haven’t looked back — nothing compares.
C’est tout! More to come.