Grief Tending: A Collective Reading for Sagittarius Season

"It is in your self-interest to find a way to be very tender."

Nov 21, 2024

Grief tending became a prominent theme in my life well before the election. 2024 was rife with change, forcing me to grieve the various parts of my life that were rapidly becoming fraught and unknown: leaving the social media industry and working toward a career as a psychotherapist, becoming a student again, getting married and shifting from girlfriend to wife, and, more existentially, coming to terms with the fact that my life may not look like I thought it would. It all required a kind of surrender.

Recently, I learned that the best way to foster emotional intelligence in children is by giving them ample time and space to feel and express their feelings first. Not by telling them to stop crying, rationalizing with them, or convincing them it will all be okay; not by rushing to fix their problems and immediately assuaging their discomfort, but by pausing, seeing them, and actively listening as they candidly share their pain, anger, shame, or embarrassment. To yield, in some ways, to the child’s dismay, putting aside your own discomfort and giving them a platform from which they can be seen and heard. Our pain and discontent may grow more complex in adulthood, but pausing and being heard is just as critical for healing as it was when we were children. Rushing to fix things is, most of the time, a form of repression.

We do ourselves a disservice when we refuse to make the time and space to feel everything fully and deeply. Without this first step, this surrender, we wouldn’t know where to begin. This typically leads to so much emotional confusion that we seek the easiest, quickest option, which only exacerbates the issue. Slowing down, especially amid extreme chaos and upheaval, can feel counterintuitive. Sometimes, it can even feel wrong, and in those moments we must remember our culture’s penchant for productivity against all odds—sometimes, it is in our best interest to fight against that instinct. Your reaction might be to run, to move as quickly as possible in a fury of adrenaline and self-preservation. But we can only speak from a place of truth once we have exhausted these emotions, feeling our way through them tenderly and emerging on the other side calmly and clearly. This takes time.

I drew these cards with the four questions below in mind. I hope you use them in your readings to guide you personally and help you locate where to direct your energy in the months ahead.

What is my work for the remainder of the month?
How can I be of service to my community?
What limiting beliefs do I need to work through?
How can I support myself during this time of upheaval?

What is my work for the remainder of the month?

It’s been a while since I’ve drawn the Three of Swords, but if there was ever a time to draw it, it is now. Our work for the remainder of this month is simple: grieve. Grieve what could have been—your old life or simply the end of 2024. Whatever massive change lies ahead will require you to make peace with and appreciate your life as it is now because it could look different after January.

Grieve. Give yourself the time and space to let your grief fill rooms. Grieve alone or in community with those you love. For now, your work is to grieve.

How can I be of service to my community?

The Knight of Swords is action and perseverance. The card depicts a knight on his horse, sword in hand as if riding into battle, rife with the inertia of determination. Duty and responsibility are associated with knighthood, which calls into question: where will your responsibilities lie as we prepare for the changes ahead? Scrolling and despairing do nothing but compound your misery, diffusing your momentum to the opposition’s advantage. Once you’ve grieved and felt all you needed to feel, you can begin thinking about where your unique talents will be the most beneficial.

What causes are most meaningful to you? Begin protesting, grassroots lobbying, boycotting, and volunteering for them, and do it all while remaining clear and measured. Swords are the suit of thinking and intellect, and this is ultimately what must come to the forefront. Keeping your emotions from clouding your judgment is much easier said than done, and I am more guilty of this than anyone. There will be a time and place for your rage; you will know when you’ve found it.

What limiting beliefs do I need to work through?

The Five of Cups paints a picture of loss, regret, and disappointment. A story lives deep in your subconscious, looping on repeat in the tapedeck of your mind. It may have been an old story you picked up in childhood from your family of origin or perhaps something from a toxic relationship. It might even be residual pain from 2016 telling you that you are insignificant and powerless. Whatever it may be, it keeps you stagnant, hindering your growth and potential to enact change. The Five of Cups is associated with grief and mourning, and given our current sociopolitical climate, this is apt—but giving up before the fight has even started is a limiting belief. Obeying in advance is a limiting belief.

We have about 70 days until his administration takes office—two months to meet with our communities, strategize, protest, fundraise, and carefully determine our next steps. When we despair and mourn before we need to, we play directly into the trap they rely on the most, which convinces us that we are powerless and have no choice but to submit. I’m not diminishing the gravity of the situation; almost everything is on the line here. But things have not changed yet. Thinking too far ahead will only weigh you down and make you easier to control.

How can I support myself during this time of upheaval?

The Seven of Wands implores us to hold our ground. Our beliefs, boundaries, and strengths will be tested constantly, and it is in our best interest to remain steadfast, even when we want to fall apart. This card tells a story of challenges and competition but also of perseverance. I have referenced On Tyranny several times already, but I will do it again because it’s important: you must not be afraid to stand out.

“The moment you set an example, the spell of the status quo is broken, and others will follow.” — Timothy Snyder, On Tyranny

Being a voice of dissent will feel scary, especially in a climate like ours. But getting away with something inconceivable, like stripping people of their fundamental human rights, requires an audience willing to turn a blind eye. It is up to you to never be a part of that audience. When you feel something is wrong, you feel it in your body. We all have internal moral compasses guiding us toward what is just—those who seem okay with being cruel are adept in the art of willful ignorance. Do not abide by their rules.