Protect your peace
at all costs.
I went to Bass Lake two weeks ago with my family. We spent our days swimming in the warm and gentle waters of the lake, savoring every lakeside sunset we saw. It reminded me of when I was a little girl, when we would visit my great grandmother at her lakeside home in Washington. I have a vivid memory of swimming in that lake with my mother when I was about three years old, and I often revisit this memory when I am meditating to picture a place where I feel safe and happy. I told my mom that this time at Bass Lake felt very similar to those moments at my great grandmother’s house. She had always regretted that she never had the chance to take my siblings there, but this felt like the next best thing. The trip brought me a sense of peace and ease I hadn’t felt in so long, and despite working throughout most of it, my nervous system finally had a moment to pause and reset. I have the change of scenery, the stillness, and opportunity to spend time with my family to thank for an incredibly healing experience.
May 2019 was the last time I remember taking a significant amount of time off where I was able to be relatively OOO; but even then I was wracked with guilt. My co-workers passive-aggressively shamed me for taking two whole weeks (god forbid) to visit Europe for the very first time in my life. I was a social media manager for a well-known denim company, and their desire to post 2-3 times per day across multiple accounts didn’t stop simply because I had requested time off. My supervisor kindly took on the brunt of the job while I was gone, but I was still emailed and texted about work-related things many times across time zones for the duration of my time there. I think this is when my nervous system first began to feel the effects of the long-term dysregulation which would soon come to shape the next few years of my life, eventually worsening with my position at this company being dissolved, the following year’s pandemic, and the several years of instability that followed.
This idea of disconnect is so compelling and foreign to me, and whenever I catch glimpses of what life could be like without the constant pings of text messages, emails, and google calendar notifications, I realize that it is during this time that my body finally releases all the tension it has been holding onto, and I can exhale. Most of us have never known a life outside of the invasiveness of technology. Our careers certainly push against our boundaries, but social media is often guilty of this too. I get this strange feeling when I think about how I became an adult during the rise of Instagram, and how much this may have potentially negatively affected me and my development. It’s something I worry about for my siblings, who are all sixteen and under; my two brothers and sister are such talented, incredible, and intelligent human beings, but I worry about their capacity to read a book all the way through, or sit through a movie without reaching for their phones. I am certainly often guilty of this too, and it isn’t their fault – it’s just the way it is. Yet unlike me who knew a brief time before everything was at my fingertips and any idle moment could be filled with consumable content, they were born into a world where that is truly all they know. So what happens when you develop as a person with this understanding that everything you do must be published and broadcasted? How does that distort the way you see yourself and the rest of the world?
Capitalism’s refusal to permit rest feels strategic when looking at it through this lens; if we are constantly working, buzzing with frenetic energy, struggling to make ends meet, emotionally depleted from the news cycle, there is no room for pondering or innovation. Our ability to think around the confines of our lives becomes dulled by the unrelenting nature of the 40+ hour work week, and this depletion is further embedded in our lives when we are unable to fully rest and take breaks. It leaves no room for curiosity, questioning, or intrigue. And when these things are no longer present in our lives, the magic is gone. When we lose this sense of wonder, our lives lack the dimension and meaning that makes them worth living.
I have been trying to be less hardwired to reach for my phone or similar distractions when I am looking to prevent boredom or fill some void. It is a difficult task and I fail often; these things are designed to be addictive, after all. But when I remember the sense of peace I felt on the lake, swimming in the water and not looking at my phone or laptop or a television screen, I am inspired to more fiercely protect this peace I have worked so hard to cultivate. In a world where we are only deemed valuable once we have proven our worth via productivity, slowing down is a form of resistance. I do understand that in order to slow down, one must have some modicum of privilege; that is not lost on me. But wherever you are, I implore you to begin to practice and incorporate stillness however you can. Let go of all the frenetic energy that is holding your nervous system hostage. Get your news from a physical source you can touch. Turn off your push notifications when you can. Set limits on the amount of times you check your email, or open Instagram. We like to think that everything is an emergency, but the truth is most things can wait. So before you lose yourself in the harried, frenetic energy of your work day, take a few minutes to breathe deeply and let your body sink into the earth. It is holding on to so much, and you have to let it all go in order to flourish.
Some Things I Enjoyed This Week ~
This is a playlist I made for July. I made the majority of it while I was at Bass Lake, staring at reflections on the water or trees or the way a shadow fell. It is a playlist for zoning out, for letting your mind wander and to reset your somatic experience. I have been listening to it a lot, particularly when meditating or sitting still, and anticipate it will carry through well into August.
I received several DMs about this sweater when I posted it on Instagram the other day, so I thought I would share it here. I am pretty picky when it comes to sweaters, and this one ticks all the boxes for me. I really want another one in black.
Like the rest of the world, I saw Barbie and Oppenheimer and I loved them both. I particularly enjoyed reading Anne Helen Petersen’s thoughts on the two films, and how they were both kind of about how men ruin everything.
I bought a pair of Chimi’s 006 sunglasses from The RealReal the other day after having them on my wishlist for several months. When they arrived on my doorstep, the box was smashed through like someone had stepped on it. I reached into the box and found a demolished sunglasses case and my heart sunk; I thought for sure they were destroyed. But when I opened the case the glasses were perfectly intact without a single scratch, which I found quite funny. The best part though was the line on the inside of the case that read “always keep your Chimis safe, just in case”. So I guess this is a thank you to Chimi for making such sturdy cases. And also to check in on The RealReal: are you okay?
I am re-reading Jane Eyre right now and it is taking me forever because I am savoring it, and I’m really looking forward to re-watching the 2011 adaptation with Mia Wasikowska and Michael Fassbinder once I’m finished. I remember devouring the book when I was sixteen and being so excited when the movie came out. I was trying to describe Jane Eyre to Ed the other day, and I eventually decided it is Northanger Abbey’s more spooky and goth cousin. I love Jane Austen so much, but Charlotte Brontë really leaned into the haunting nature of the Victorian era with this one. It remains a favorite.