Neuroplasticity, Chic Tea Kettles & Haphazard Footwear Choices
✽ A Lesson I learned This Week
For as long as I can remember, I have been bad at math. I always excelled in areas like English, history, and art, but was met with difficulty in math and sciences; I would usually end up getting Cs despite my best efforts. It wasn’t until recently (around 26, actually) that I realized I’m not bad at math and science, it just takes me a beat longer to understand. And once I understand it, I actually find it fun. I was just so used to telling myself that I was bad at it that I never considered the possibility that the inverse could be true.
I had a really wonderful conversation with my therapist last week where we discussed the ways in which we speak to ourselves, and how our inner narratives have the potential to shape our realities. We talked about my math problem (no pun intended), which wasn’t really a problem after all. I had just boxed myself in and only allowed myself to excel in the things I thought I was good at. I still do this, and I’d like to change it, because when we write things off in this way we are sending our brains a signal. That signal ends up shaping the way we see ourselves, the positions we put ourselves in, the choices we make. If you believe you are bad at math, it will be really hard for you to be good at math. If you believe you aren’t creative enough, clever enough, or innovative enough, you will never embody those things until you give yourself permission to. A lot of manifestation talk discusses this concept, albeit in slightly more magical terms; but at the end of the day, it’s just basic psychology. If you don’t think highly of yourself, you won’t put yourself in positions that allow you to excel, and you will remain exactly where you are, boxed in by your own false narrative.
“Fake it ‘til you make it” never sounded particularly appealing to me in previous years, but I’ve since changed my tune. The rampant TikTok trend about being “delusional” taps into this ideology as well. Honestly, I love the idea of pretending to be so overly confident in yourself that you eventually start to embody it naturally. The science is there, it’s called neuroplasticity, and it means that we literally have the ability to rewire our brains. I will never get over that fact and can talk about it endlessly, but I digress. This proves how crucial it is to speak kindly to ourselves, to believe in and love ourselves; eventually we believe these stories, and this ends up shaping our entire world.
So, at the risk of sounding overly saccharine, please speak kindly to yourselves. If you are struggling with pain, grief, anger, or shame, slow down and feel those things – but allow yourself the kindness you would give to somebody else, and don’t let the false narrative you’ve created cloud your vision. Treat your body, mind and spirit with the reverence it deserves. Wonder at the beauty and miracle you are. Loving yourself and having a deep, heartfelt gratitude for being alive can only lead you to beautiful things.
✽ Things I’ve Been Watching, Reading, Eating, Buying, Loving
Krocus Kozanis Mint Tea. I used to hate mint tea, but I have been obsessed with it lately. This particular tea is a mint, lemongrass and saffron blend, and I find the bright, clean flavor really perks me up. I like to enjoy it midday, or in the evening after a meal.
This Alessi Plissé Tea Kettle. Speaking of tea – can you imagine how chic your kitchen would feel with this on your counter? If I didn’t already have an electric kettle, I would buy this in green immediately. Please, someone buy it and send me a picture of how cute it looks in your kitchen so I can live vicariously through you.
My boyfriend’s sister works for Surya Spa, and she gifted me this beautiful Kansa wand for Christmas last year. I typically gua sha each night, but I’ve been reaching for this more and more lately. It’s gentler, and the metal warms up after a while and feels so nice and smooth on the skin. It’s a lovely little ritual I’ve enjoyed incorporating into my nightly routine.
Nanohana Rice Wax Candles + this beautiful brass candle stand. I purchased some of these Nanohana candles a few years ago and love them. They burn for about 55 minutes, which is the perfect amount of time to meditate, do a yoga flow, or read a few chapters from a book. I like that it marks time in an analog way so that you don’t feel compelled to reach for your phone. It’s a beautiful way to elevate your daily rituals.
Barra Santos. The sweetest Portuguese wine bar in Cypress Park. I stopped here on Friday afternoon last week with Ed and an old friend just in time for the sun to come out. We enjoyed crisp vinho verdes, bacalhau fritters, and sardine toasts. It could just be my Portuguese heritage, but I think there are very few things sweeter than enjoying a cold glass of wine and fresh seafood in the sunshine – especially in the company of those you love. I can’t wait to go back.
Meredith, Alone by Claire Alexander. I picked this up at the library last week and just finished it last night – I loved it. It’s a wonderful book about the complexity of broken families, grief, healing trauma, and bravery, all told from the perspective of Meredith Maggs, a 40-year old woman who hasn’t left her house in 1,200+ days after an extremely traumatic incident. It’s perfect for fans of Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman, We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman, Signal Fires by Dani Shapiro, and pretty much anything by Sally Rooney.
✽ Style Notes
We got our first taste of heat on Saturday after weeks and weeks of gloom in Los Angeles, and I’m thinking a lot about what I want to wear this summer. I recently downsized and got rid of a ton of stuff that didn’t feel right for me so I could make room for the pieces that do. I have an awful tendency to hold on to pieces even if they’re not quite right because I’m afraid I won’t find anything better. It’s incredibly silly and a really great way to accumulate a bunch of uninspiring clothes you never wear. In an effort to break that habit, I’m being very careful about the things I choose to bring in, while keeping in mind that this process can (and should) take a while. You can’t build the perfect wardrobe in one fell swoop.
Ease is extremely important to me. I want to look and feel my absolute best, but I want to be comfortable. I want to feel put together, yet unfussy. Chic, but not over the top. When I looked at my style board, I noticed some themes: lots of crisp white poplins, well-worn denim, voluminous shapes and haphazard footwear choices. And by haphazard, I mean Allison Bornstein’s ‘Wrong Shoe Theory’. A lot of these looks would feel a bit stuffy with a too-elevated shoe. Easy slides, tennis shoes, or a minimal pair of black sandals paired with something more chic? Absolutely perfect.
Here’s what’s on my wishlist currently:
W Concept Knit Vest. Perfect to throw over a swim suit top, or pair with trousers.
Triple Jump Leather Bag by Dragon Diffusion. I have wanted this bag for years and I always talk myself out of buying it, but I hope to make it mine soon. It’s the perfect size to fill with books, flowers, and snacks.
Rio High Waist Straight Leg Pant by LESET. A chic departure from sweatpants or leggings, featuring an elegant, elongating side slit.
Mother of Pearl Ring by Another Feather. I saw this on Instagram the other day and gasped. I love the understated touch of iridescence that pearls and mother of pearl can add to an outfit.
Alex Mill Easy Shirt in Paper Poplin. I bought one of these for Ed for our anniversary and he loves it. I couldn’t stop touching the soft papery poplin so I tried it on. Unsurprisingly, it’s perfect.
Strapless Cotton Top by Deiji Studios. I just love this sweet little top. I can imagine pairing it with voluminous denim trousers that have a touch of puddling.
Until next time. x